Great! It is going to be another scorcher--high of 104 and the A/C in my house just stopped working. Brad is on his way over and it's really hard to look good with sweat pouring out of every orifice, especially in places I didn't know you could sweat. It was hot in my house and I felt like I was on fire. I strolled into the kitchen to grab an ice cube to help cool me off.
As soon as he opened the door, Brad's mouth dropped while he stood watching me trace a cube of ice down my neck, around my chest and in between my breasts. I am wearing just my bra and thong, it is too damn hot for clothes at this point. I look at him and smile like I just got caught doing something I wasn't supposed to.
"Babe, you should have waited for me to help get you all sweaty." He teased.
"Damn A/C stopped." She batted her eyes in hopes he would take a look.
"Let me see what I can do."
I watched as Brad striped off his shirt and his muscles started to glisten from the sweat. His shorts hung off of his hips exposing a trace of his hair that leads to his manhood. My nipples start to harden and juices start flowing from my pussy. Get a grip! Let him see if he can do anything first.
Brad followed me out back to my A/C unit. The fan wasn't turning. Brad fiddled with it for a bit before suggesting that I call someone. "It isn't one of those easy fixes like I can do to mine." He shrugged.
Ugh! "Thanks for trying, guess we will just have to be naked all day and find ways to cool off."
A devilish smiles appears across Brad's lips. I feel my insides doing summer salts. I reach my hand out to him and feel is muscles ripple beneath my hand. What is it about a sweaty man that is so sexy? My hands unbuttoned his shorts and pushed them down. Staring at me, he steps out of his shorts, tangles his hand in my hair and pulls me towards him to kiss me. Shivers rip through me.
I reached between us and gently traced the shape of his cock that was growing stiffer with my touch. I trail kisses down his incredible body until I reached my prize. Smiling, I swirled my tongue around the tip of his cock enjoying the taste of his pre-cum.
I place a hand on each of his ass cheeks and slowly take him in my mouth as far as I can handle. I start to suck and lick his dick like it was the tastiest sucker I ever had. My warm, wet mouth sending pleasurable sensations through him and he moans with delight. He grabs a fist of my hair to hang on to. I feel his cock thicken and I pick up the pace licking and sucking him with vigor, with need.
"Oh Tera. I am about to...." he pulls my hair as he submits to his orgasm. He shakes a little as I milk every last bit out of him. He pulls me up and looks deep into my eyes and kisses me hard. Brad pushes me into the wall of the house and rips off my bra and thong. Guess I didn't need those. He kisses my neck and his hand started to massage my breasts and stroking my erect nipples.
He slid his hand up my inner thigh sending tingles up my spine. He circled his finger around my swollen clit. "I need to taste you." He whispered in my ear. Brad placed my legs upon his shoulders and stood up. My dripping wet pussy was right in his face. My back was against the wall for support and his tongue licked me slowly. He pushed his tongue into me and I tilt my head back and let out an approving moan.
He tongue finds my engorged nub and I am lost in erotic bliss. I cannot move a whole lot being above his head against the wall but it doesn't matter. His tongue keeps hitting my button dead on. Brad inserts his thumb into my cunt and starts tapping my g-spot while he sucks and licks my clit. I feel myself building and my toes start to curl.
"FUCK!" I cried squirting female juice all over his face. Brad continued to suck, lick and fuck me with his thumb as I rode out my orgasm. He looked up at me and smiled and slowly squatted down and helped me off of his shoulders.
"Well, this is not helping getting your A/C fixed." Brad chuckled.
"No, but it is my favorite part so far on this hot day." I smiled satisfied.
Advanced apologies if I come off a bit harsh. I don't mean to but when I was starting out with writing years ago I wish someone would have given me advice on how I wrote: straight up. It would have saved a lot of my older stuff and my sanity with re-writes.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the shift from first to third person in the line "Damn A/C broke" is kind of jarring.
Don't be afraid to drop a few (more) contractions here and there, especially in conversation. Hardly anyone says "I am", "it is", "is not", in regular conversation and it won't happen right after sex. If they don't use contractions they come off as overly-formal or stuck-up which is great when you want to write that kind of character.
Lastly: Brad can't chuckle all those words. He'd sound like a braying donkey. Action words like chuckled, grinned, smiled, laughed, giggled, moaned, groaned and panted may sound like great replacements for "said" but they're not. If you want someone to chuckle something go for:
"Well, this isn't helping to get your A/C fixed."
He said this with a little chuckle that made my heart race all over again.
Words like told, asked, questioned, enquired, whispered, muttered, uttered ARE acceptable replacements to said but should be used sparingly. Most authors hold that "said" is the ONLY dialogue tag that should be used but admit that it can get boring. Mix said with other non-action words or no dialogue tag and you'll have better conversations.
And don't be afraid to read your stuff out loud. You'll be surprised how much it helps in writing dialogue and with sentence structure.
You do not come across harsh at all. I truly appreciate your feedback and I need it :-) I am working on my first book but started to post little stories on this blog so I can work on developing my writing style, and so people, like you, can tell me where I should improve. Thank you for your feedback, it's very helpful :-)
ReplyDelete